Sorry for an extra dose of ennui, but I’m in a bit of a long dark (fort)night of the soul. Can’t motivate myself to review a book, go photograph something about my adopted hometown, or be creative beyond some navel gazing amateur divination. So here we are. Going to go with a body, mind, and spirit three card spread again.

Body: Six of Primordialism (Cups)

The meanings here are an odd assortment. Initiation, I’ve started setting goals for achieving some physical feats. Maybe I’ll do Ohio’s Buckeye Trail as a years long circuit hike. Maybe I’ll just try to go for more day hikes. Pleasure, I’m starting to enjoy inhabiting my body in ways I couldn’t have dreamed of before starting HRT. In any case, I injured my foot last week and have an appointment with a new GP coming up next week. I’ve got high blood pressure and no real satisfying explanation for why. It’s been a lot and I am scared to see what’s next.

Mind: Seven of Dynamism (Swords) [Reversed]

Un-reversed she describes exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. Futility. Unreliability. Helplessness. Hopelessness. I promise I didn’t alter this, I simply drew the top three cards off the top of a shuffled deck. As she lies on my table, reversed, she represents counsel and instruction. My tarot deck is telling me to stick with therapy, a message I personally endorse enthusiastically. Also, I cannot undervalue the love and support of my partner. I’m feeling extremely mentally fragile right now, but my goal is to get through it and in the process learn new skills for self care and getting through it all again later.

Spirit: The Emperor

I’m kind of at a loss for tying this to my spirit, but the government of this nation and the state of Ohio are both crushing my soul. Let me just say how grateful I am to live on the shores of Lake Erie and not Lake Ontario. However, inspiring and motivating others are both things I aspire to do and some percentage of my ongoing mental hardships are associated with a feeling I’ve failed to do so adequately or at all. In the game these cards are designed to be a tool for he represents The Order of Hermes, and I have decided to at some point try to read an English translation of some of the writing attributed to Hermes Trismegistus, so I’m going to leave this one up in the air and see where it lands.