So I’ve been relatively up front about trying to rekindle some kind of spiritual practice and this is something I lifted from the book Rituals for Heretics by Jeremy Steele, which to be honest I haven’t actually read yet but I did listen to a podcast where he was interviewed about it. It’s right next to my front door where I can touch it on my way out to remind myself who I want to be out in the world. The craftsmanship on display is not my own, but is the work of my more arts and crafts minded partner.

I’m hoping to get a lot out of this book when I finally get around to reading it in its entirety. While my partner and I work on achieving cohabitation and they try to bring back their pagan practice, I’m trying to make strides from where I’ve been sitting at “cult survivor, agnostic” for over a decade to… somewhere else. What I anticipate happening is simply expanding my agnosticism to include more supernatural beings above and beyond a masculine deity with the voice of the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures imbued with the reasoning and interpretation of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc and choosing to live as if they are capable of having some sort of influence on me as an emotional and spiritual comfort.

I’m nervous about not being able to meet other people on a similar path where they are. I had similar reservations when I was briefly getting into regular yoga practice, which is why I never got myself to an actual in-person class. I know this is, at least in part, from having extensive experience within American Christian denominations and their practitioners where the doctrine of univocality and a clear, thick line between spiritually true and spiritually false are much more common. Perhaps, I’m mistaken, but I also expect I’m entering a space where lots of other people also came from the same place and haven’t completely shirked off that attitude.

I’m also nervous I’m going to adopt things that are distinctly judeo-christian flavored and put people off who desperately want to stay as far away from that as possible. Related, if anyone knows of any good books about Asherah from a scholarly perspective and not some kind of weird Christian apologist thing, please let me know, because I feel like I’m one special interest deep dive away from really wanting an Asherah pole in my house…

Note: I am aware that a cartouche is supposed to be a carved oval and what I have would probably be more accurately described as a reliquary holding my first vial of estradiol valerate, but in my defense it is a really fun word to say?